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Listen to your body

There is nothing wrong with listening to your body. Your physical sexual respons to your environment is a very complex process of hormonal reactions, most of which is yet to be mapped and understood by science - the process as well as the complex set of triggers, reactions and mental and physical responses.

As a result, the most important as well as sensible thing to do is - within the context of your personal situation - to listen to your body, get the monkeys off your back and open yourself up to your sexual needs, desires and reactions.

And, talk about them! Tell your partner when you feel aroused and - if you know - why. Not only does that bring about a better understanding of what you are and what turns you on, it also makes it clear to her when your aroused (horny) and why and very likely BOTH of you will enjoy the moment. While that doesn't HAVE to result in actual, instant intercourse, there is nothing wrong with a quicky on the kitchen table either and that can and will sometimes greatly improve your relationship.

Your partner is probably a fetish

It is very likely that your partner, as a person or (parts of) her body are a fetish to you. This might be anything, but very likely it will be her hair, mouth, neck, breasts, butt, legs or something and usually more than one thing. While we are (social conventions again) NOT to like and desire women for their body, that is exactly one of the things that you should learn to communicate about.

We need to explain yet another double social standard. We - men - are indeed taught not to like women for their body. While at the same time we're bombarded with conflicting signals: from sexy dresses, to perfume - from hairdo to just about any commercial. Of course all of that is NOT an open invitation to rape and sexual harrassement! But is IS a signal that you will respond to and are supposed to respond to (albeit in a civilized way). The opinion - spread by feminist groups and others - that women are allowed to dress the way they want to and that men are not supposed to interpret that as a sexual signal is far to easy and actually both pretty cheap as well as untrue. Of course is short skirt is a sexual signal - so is a bikini, so is lipstick, so is perfume. It may very well not be JUST and ONLY a sexual signal, but it is a pretty naive idea that you can put on a perfume that has all the hidden aromatic persuaders in it and expect men NOT to respond to it.

So, do respond to it (towards your partner that is, not the female sitting next to you in the bus!). If you like her legs - tell her!

On top of that - most men fantasize about "different ways of having sex" - different as in having oral sex, anal sex or cumming between her breasts, all over her face or in her hair. The fact of the matter is that most women fantasize about exactly that (fantasies about being raped, abducted or being used as a sexual object or being a whore or a slut are the most common ones among women). So don't be afraid you'll shock her if you tell her about your fetish, because it is very likely she'll have the same one or at least a similar one of her own.

And here is another helpful hint: the vast majority of women fantasize about what they will describe as "male men" (truckdrivers, man smelling of diesel, freshly cut wood and - VERY IMPORTANT - fresh sweat as well as men in business attire). So, be male - down to earth feet in the clay male - chances are she'll love you for it.

Physical and mental attraction

Many people try to make a difference between physical and mental attraction. In fact: women (while communicating they want to be valued for their mental attraction) put a lot of emphasys on their physical ability to attract men (and in the process sexually compete with other women). That can often be very confusing. The important part is in "attraction", regardless where it comes from. Attraction is the bridgehead - for sex, for communication, actually for the entire relationship. Attraction is what started it between the two (or three of four) of you.

Fact of the matter is that there is actual very little difference between phsyical or mental attraction and that every sexual/emotional interaction between men and women is a combination of both. Picture this: this gorgious blond suddenly walks into your life and while she's physically everything you ever desired, she has this horrible accent and can only talk about her mother and TV-soaps. Will she still attract you once she opens her mouth? Probably not. And that is what it is all about.

What scientists will tell you (man) is that you are easily aroused and aroused by many different things, either solo or in combination. And that it happens hundreds of times a day. Scientists believe the male mind is drawn to some sort sort of sexual stimulation as often as 700 times a day. In very simple, very unscientific terms: you are pretty trigger happy bastard, to put it mildly. And we started this chapter with telling you that you're probably aroused more times through reading Life Magazine or looking at the billboards or watching a movie.

What is important first of all is to understand that this happens and that - the two of - you might as well use it to your advantage, for starters by telling each other about it. That is you telling her. By doing so, even if at first she may feel threatened by it, you're telling her a lot about how that happy trigger works. Information she can next use to pump up the volume, so to speak. Women are not exactly stupid and there is nothing wrong with telling them what turns you on. The idea of course is SHE turns you on. Because that is what brings things back to basics and allows you to follow what your genes are basically programmed for. This is not the same as having her belly-dance every night of course - the idea is to share and use useful information that BOTH of your can use to your mutual benefit.

Once you've gotten there, actually the only other thing you need to master is to ASK her, about what turns her on. Do both - tell and ask - and you're very likely on the road to a very happy sexlife.

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